Since you now know that my mum left us, I can now just jump straight into this story without any background info. If you haven't read my last post, READ IT.
So my little sister, goes obviously to a primary school (elementary if you're from the beautiful country of america) and so she finishes at 3.15pm, I finish at 3.25pm. Ten minutes in itself would not be a real issue, if it wasn't for the fact that I have to get an hour long bus journey home. That means my sister has to go round a baby sitter's until I can pick her up as soon as I get off my bus at 4.30pm. I then go on to walk her home, 4.50pm. I then help her with her homework in between her tantrums. At 5.15pm I cook dinner, enough for me, my little sister, my elder sister when she returns for work (she's a nurse) and my Dad. Now, don't get me wrong, there is no other option. My Dad works his butt off, earning a lot of money to keep us all going. He's a saver and luckily (if you call it that) he had been saving for 25 years of marriage for their retirement to be wonderful. Thanks to this when my Mum wanted to take all the money she was 'entitled' to as in a divorce everything is split in half (not literally), we didn't have to move house to afford this. Even then realistically, I finish doing bits and bobs at about half 6. This means I have three hours to do all my assignments. Not only does this make my life incredibly difficult but I get so stressed out. In my college we are meant to complete 5 hours independent study on each subject per week. That's 20 hours, 4 hours per night. Which, yes, as i'm sure you've worked out, it's impossible. I am already lying to my teachers about 'forgetting' my homework.
I am freaking out.
I am so stressed out. I'm not meant to be a mother for at least another 10 years and here I am, mothering my sister. As you can probably guess this is another reason why my Mum has made my life a whole lot more difficult. I cannot cope with a child, especially one that won't even empty the dishwasher when I ask. Ahhh. I am drowning...
I really need someone to look after my child... haha, and the thing is, she isn't my child. She's my sister yet here I am, reassuring her that the child at school will stop bullying her about her parents splitting up. Here I am, making her packed lunch for school the next day. I need a little bit of respite. At least next year she'll be at secondary school (high school actually it's middle school but we don't have that here) and will come home at the same time as me. She can get her packed lunch at school. She can do her homework herself, and finally her independence will set me free.
I feel like such a bad person for freaking out over something all you teen mums have to put up with everyday, but I guess it's because I know that she isn't meant to be my responsibility, I guess it's because I never made the decision to have her, but merely by some freak storm she is now my responsibility. My Dad helps out all he can when he can. When he isn't away in some far away country dealing with clients, when he isn't in London earning bonuses to help us have the life he wants us to. I love him to the moon and back and I only wish you could all meet him because he is the best Dad/Mum ever. He does everything and anything. I can only thank him enough for everything he has given me, and us as a family.
I love my family, and I know that taking this one role on, will help my Dad an existential amount. It's a small price to pay for the happiness of another.
Thankyou for reading this, it at least makes me feel as if I am affecting somebody with my stories and my life. Please leave a comment so I can feel as though someone really is reading this, and maybe tell me what part of my life you'd want me to talk about more or something that I haven't yet said. Thankyou for reading the ramblings of another unimportant teenager...
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