HAPPY NOVEMBER!!! 55 sleeps until Christmas ahhh
I have realised how much my head is constantly back and forth with different guys all the time.
I haven't spoken to Rory in weeks, well not in a flirty way anyway.
Collin is incontactable... I am so angry, he just one day stopped replying, what the fuck am I meant to do, he lives fucking thousands of miles away.. I've taken it that he's with another girl, I tell myself that 'that's it he can't choose when he wants to talk', and then I know that if he comes back I'm literally gonna just go straight back to him. I can't help thinking that he's too good to go off with another girl, but I sent him a message on facebook and even though he has been active since I still have no reply...
Last night I was at a pardy pardy pardy (excuse that outburst) and my friend (I say friend but I have on and off fancied him for months now) was there. He has a really freaking good body and he was wearing this tight tee which caressed each muscular bulge. He looked fineeee. Yes, I had had a bit to drink (when I say a bit I mean an 8 shots of vodka two cans of beer and a quarter of a bottle of wine bit) and when I get drunk I get really touchy feely, it's actually embarrassing. It's not like rapey touchy feely just like my hands are always on the guys arms or chest or stomach. He's so nice and funny and we do get on well, I mean I do get on with everyone really but we really do, and we'd hug whenever we saw eachother and bah. I don't know what to say.
But then, yes, another, there is this really (I think so anyway) hot guy in the year below. I am not small, I am not skinny, and he, he is chunky, he is by no means fat, used to be, but no longer (WHICH I TOLD HIM?! oh, the things alcohol does to me). I love chunky guys, I want a guy that can take control of me and be strong and mmhmmm. anyway, he was there and he's so nice, but I just cannot get over how hot he is now. SUDDEN REALISATION. Like where the hell did that come from.
I just wish so much that I had a guy that like me, it's so unfair, I just want to be loved and I never get that, it's always one sided. I always feel like no matter what the relationship it's me doing the work. OK MOAN OVER.
What do I do? Who do I choose to pursue? oh I just don't know.
GIVE ME ADVICE
I'll keep you updated...
